i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
