"it" just moved
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
