omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
