I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
