you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
