...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
