Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
