Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
