the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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