I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
