I can't watch pbs sober anymore
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
