He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
