was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
