dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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