So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we're making bets on your personal life
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
