Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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