I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
