I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
