hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
