I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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