What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
