HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
