so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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