you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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