I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
