well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
