My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
