I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
