man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
