Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
