i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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