I'm so fucking centered right now
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
