she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
