You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
