NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
