You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
