I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
