I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
