I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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