I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
