somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
