Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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