I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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