it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
