Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
