Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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