god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
