so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
