Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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