We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
