I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
