No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
