Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
