He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
