I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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