Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
