I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
