big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
