a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
